tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65644782432005058142024-02-08T15:30:07.288+00:00Frankie FlynnFrankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-29537975644903782522015-11-06T14:13:00.000+00:002015-11-06T14:13:53.762+00:00Halloween story<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=OIP.Mc7d9241fc144d42a519ec1cf4a3a0bd4H0&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0" /></div>
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Sammy Nugent came into Magowan's the other night - the first time I'd seen him in ages. I'd heard that he hadn't been well, and it showed. He'd lost a few stone, wasn't too steady on his feet and was the colour of raw tripe.<br />
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<br /></div>
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'There y'are Sammy,' I said. 'Y'are lookin' well. Will ya have a pint?'</div>
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<br /></div>
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He said that he might manage a bottle of stout.</div>
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<br /></div>
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'I heard ya were under the doctor,' I said.</div>
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'Ya heard right,' he said. 'I've had tubes in an' out o' every orifice. I've had blood tests, biopsies, autopsies ... you name it.'</div>
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'Bu' y'are alrigh' now?' I asked.</div>
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<br /></div>
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'I am <i>not</i> alrigh'.' He seemed pleased to be able to contradict me. 'I've got the Big C. An' after makin' a scientific study outa me, they say there's feck all they can do about it.'</div>
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'Jaysus,' I said. 'Tha's desperate. Can ya get a second opinion or somethin'?'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'Nah. There's already gangs o' them have had a look. They all say the same thing - I'm stuffed.</div>
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'Ah well,' I said - it's hard to know what to say in these circumstances. 'Did they say how long?'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'They won't give a straight answer. It depends - it might be this an' it might be tha'. I said to them - look I'm not goin' to sue yis if I last too long - an' if I go quicker, I won't be able to, will I?'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'Shower o' feckers,' I sympathised. 'Ya'd want to know whether ya'd be wastin' yer money buyin' a new winter coat - or puttin' an early bet on the Champion Hurdle.'</div>
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Barney Pugh was passing on his way back from the jacks. Barney is a gobshite of the first order and can't mind his own business.</div>
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'Howyis lads,' he said. 'Jaysus Sammy, ya look like shite. Are ya alrigh'?'</div>
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<br /></div>
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'No Barney, I'm not bleedin' alrigh'. I'm after gettin' bad news. Very bad news. Terminal news - an' I'm not talkin' abou' the airport.'</div>
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'Feck!' Barney said. 'Tha's too bad. I'm sorry to hear tha'. Do ya mind me askin' - wha' is it?'</div>
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'AIDS,' Sammy said.</div>
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Barney took a step backwards. He muttered some further sympathetic remark and scurried back to where he'd been sitting. I looked at Sammy.</div>
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'Why did ya tell tha' eejit ya had AIDS?' I asked.</div>
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'I don't want him tryin' to sleep with me missus after I'm gone.'<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">The comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon </span></span></i><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> or through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a> </span></span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">and all other good book sellers.</span></span></i></div>
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Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-19908277272541542832015-10-02T17:29:00.000+01:002015-10-02T17:31:35.434+01:00Iggy Farrell's quick pint<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=OIP.M6df5893b6a149ac203ea55f00b8d6fd0o0&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0" /></div>
<br />
Iggie Farrell got home from Magowan's last Saturday just before five. Peggy says that the football results were on when she heard the commotion. Iggy had told Marie that he was just going for a quick one and that he'd be back for his dinner. But he got talking to Barney Pugh who bought him a pint, so he had to buy one back for Barney. Then me and Joe Horgan came in and we bought rounds. And the racing was on and well you know how it is yourself - it all got a bit messy.<br />
<br />
The cardinal rule is never to be specific about any return time. 'Later' is as precise as I ever get. Things happen and the best laid plans of mice and men go out the window. In the meantime herself is back at the ranch fretting that you might have been murdered, and after a while thinking that if you haven't, she's bloody well going to do it when she gets a hold of you.<br />
<br />
Marie very much rules the roost in the Farrell household. Iggy is not so much a partner in the marriage as a captive. The last time the poor bugger was asked anything was 'wilt thou Iggy take this woman?' and like an eejit, he said that he would.<br />
<br />
Of an evening Marie operates a curfew system so that if Iggy isn't back by half eleven the door is locked and barred and he has to sleep with the cat in the shed. Iggy doesn't mind much, but the cat is territorial and not keen on lodgers. He has been known to take lumps out of Iggy just to show him who's boss.<br />
<br />
Anyway last Saturday Iggy got back several hours later than planned. He was already facing Marie's wrath in the form of an ear bashing and a burnt dinner - if the bastard cat hadn't eaten it! Unfortunately for Iggy, Marie had just finished mopping the floor. He didn't notice - due to being pissed - and traipsed across depositing street muck en route.<br />
<br />
It has been often said that hell hath no fury like a woman who has just mopped a floor and some gobshite walks all over it. Marie was already at boiling point and this sent her over the edge. Still armed with the mop, she laid into Iggy with it. But finding it unwieldy in the confined space, she exchanged it for a ketchup bottle which was more suited to close combat.<br />
<br />
It was the oul wan next door who called the Guards. She saw Iggy retreating into the garden covered in tomato sauce and she thought the worst. The two Guards found Iggy in a mess and mumbling incoherently. Not knowing that he's always like that, they thought he was concussed. They managed to gather from him that he had been assaulted by Mrs F and were going to go in and arrest her - but fair do's to him, Iggy stopped them.<br />
<br />
'Jaysus, no lads - don't go in there,' he said clutching their sleeves. 'The floor'll be still damp.'<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">The comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon </span></span></i><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> or through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a> </span></span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.79px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">and all other good book sellers.</span></span></i>Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-22532189721830743542015-08-05T12:25:00.001+01:002015-08-05T12:27:02.377+01:00Impure thoughts<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="http://tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=OIP.M379a77e93ed6152f5941944360ee99c1o1&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0" /></div>
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I was at the 12 o'clock mass last Sunday. Normally I hang around at the back for the quick exit. As soon as Fr Collins says 'In the name of the Father ...' it's my starting gun to head to Magowan's for pre-prandial pints.<br />
<br />
Last Sunday, Peggy came with me and I was escorted to the front. She wouldn't normally go marching up there either, but she has a new frock. Paddy Mulhall came and sat beside me. He doesn't like Collins and likes to get up close so that he can show Collins how bored he is.<br />
<br />
At the communion, I couldn't help noticing young Emily Shannon as she swayed past me. There was the cloud of perfume and talcum powder before I got the full visual effect. She must have been planning on going to a night club after mass. She was wearing a tight-fitting top that was a compliment to God's creation, and a skirt that was no bigger than a tea towel. The hair and make-up were film star class and must have had her up at dawn to get it together.<br />
<br />
She swooshed by with her curves swinging left, right, up and down. It was like watching a play in an American football game - so much happening at once that you're not sure what you're supposed to be looking at. I settled on the legs. They were long enough on their own, but propped up on six inch heels, they went on forever, until eventually they disappeared under the tea towel.<br />
<br />
If there was a man in that church who didn't have an impure thought, it wasn't me.<br />
<br />
As she passed me on her way back to her place, something went wrong in the shoe department, and she went over like a felled pine. I didn't trip her - I swear.<br />
<br />
As she lay in the aisle with her modesty compromised, Father Collins, who was still miked up, said: 'If any man looks around at that poor girl, may he be struck blind.'<br />
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Paddy nudged me and whispered: 'Will we risk one eye?'<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">For your light summer reading buy the comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon </span></span></i><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> or through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a> </span></span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">and all other good book sellers like the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5,</span></span></i>Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-80789258204934902082015-07-14T10:26:00.003+01:002015-07-14T10:28:23.479+01:00Charity begins at home<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=JN.wwYOYYEexjeIXuxcK9gguQ&w=300&h=300&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0" /></div>
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<br />
I had one of them charity outfits on the phone this morning, looking for me to sign up for a direct debit.<br />
<br />
First he tried the old guilt-trip tactics: He told me that even ten euro a month would feed a family of four, or buy them a herd of goats, or something. When that wasn't getting him anywhere, he tried a different tack.<br />
<br />
'Mr Flynn, I notice from the Shared Charity Database that you don't seem to be supporting any charitable organisation at all.'<br />
<br />
That annoyed me.<br />
<br />
'Did ya now?' I said.<br />
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'An' did yer database tell ya tha' I have a son-in-law out of work, an' him an' me daughter are tryin' to feed four children on fresh air? Did it?'<br />
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'An' did it tell ya tha' me wife has chronic arthritis an' needs medication tha' costs a hundred an' fifty euro a month - jus' to relieve the chronic pain and help her to walk?'<br />
<br />
'Or tha' me best pal's car is off the road, and withou' a loan from me, he won't be able to fix it an' get to his job?'<br />
<br />
'I'm sorry Mr Flynn,' says yer man - backin' off rapid like. 'I didn't realise...'<br />
<br />
'No, ya didn't, did ya?' I said.<br />
<br />
'An' if I'm not givin' <i>them</i> anythin', <i>you're</i> sure as hell gettin' nothin'.'<br />
<br />
I hung up the phone.<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">And for your light summer reading: You can buy the comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, or through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></span></span>Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-82292384403517801892015-03-10T11:28:00.003+00:002015-03-10T11:30:00.361+00:00Foot in Mouth Disease<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Image result for woman chiropodist" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSkoAynr5-7bIHTwhAFbum_-by3v2bA55IVavtUuGW456LdLDbRPw" /></div>
<br />
For the past few weeks I've been sufferin' terrible with the oul feet. Or to be more pacific, in the toes area on one foot - the left one. The itch was so bad at mass on Sunday tha' I had to take the shoe off an' have a good scratch. Father Collins had been sayin' somethin' about the lame an' infirm an' I think he thought tha' I was takin' the piss.<br />
<br />
Fearin' tha' I had trenchfoot or foot an' mouth disease I took myself into the pharmacy in Dorset Street. They're always tellin' ya tha' it's the thing to do - not to be annoyin' the doctor or the A&E people. There's even a sign in the place sayin' tha' they have a private room for examinations an' consultations.<br />
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So tha' I wouldn't be mortified by a couple of big yellow cheesy feet, I went to the trouble o' washin' me feet (both o' them), an' I made sure I was wearin' clean socks.<br />
<br />
I was glad to see tha' the assistant wasn't a young dolly bird only interested in floggin' perfume. The woman behind the counter was nearly as old as meself, an' she had a white coat so she must have known somethin'.<br />
<br />
'Can I help ya?' she asked, an' I prepared to give her me full medical history in case some tiny detail might be important.<br />
<br />
'Well, it's a bit of itch between the toes ...' I started to explain.<br />
<br />
'Athlete's foot,' she said. 'This is wha' ya need.'<br />
<br />
She pushed a tube o' gunk across the counter at me.<br />
<br />
'Nine euro seventy,' she said clearly implying tha' this was the end o' the consultation as far as she was concerned. I have to say tha' I wasn't completely confident in her lightning diagnosis. I didn't feel tha' the problem was gettin' the attention it deserved. It wasn't like I was askin' for blue lights an' a helicopter, but she might at least have had a feckin' look. The feet washin' an' the clean socks were a waste of time. I felt miffed. I began to suspect tha' her white coat came from her other job in a pork shop.<br />
<br />
'Are ya sure?' I asked.<br />
<br />
'Yeah - Athlete's foot,' she said.<br />
<br />
'Well, if me leg falls off, I'll be back to complain,' I said.<br />
<br />
'Grand,' she replied. 'Hop in any time.'<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Here's a St Patrick's Day gift idea! You can buy the comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, and through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></span></span>Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-28168381859321308442014-12-07T15:46:00.003+00:002014-12-07T15:47:34.614+00:00Goodwill to all men and women<div style="text-align: center;">
<img 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" /></div>
<br />
<br />
At this time of year I remember a story that Joe Horgan told me. Joe got it off a postman who drinks in the bar in Kinsella's.<br />
<br />
It was a few weeks before Christmas and the lads in the sorting office got a letter addressed to Santa. They opened it and found that it wasn't from a child but from an old woman living over near Oliver Bond flats.<br />
<br />
'Dear Santy,' the letter said. 'I'm in a bit of a bad way. I'm behind on me rent and I'm afraid that they'll cut off the gas and electric if I don't pay them something. I haven't a friend or relation left alive to me, so the Christmas is going to be miserable. If I had £100, it'd be the difference between having some kind of a Christmas and ending up in the poorhouse. I'm at me wits end, and I don't know who to turn to for help - but you Santy. You're me last hope. '<br />
<br />
The lads in the sorting office in Sheriff Street are as tough a bunch of desperadoes as you'll meet, but tears were shed when they read that letter. They immediately got up a collection between them and sent the woman £90 with a little card from 'Santa' thanking her for her letter and wishing her a very Happy Christmas.<br />
<br />
The first week of the New Year they got another letter addressed to Santa in the same shaky hand.<br />
<br />
'Dear Santa,' it said. 'Thank you very much for answering me last letter. It was really very kind of you to help me, and it made all the difference to me over the Christmas. I was able to get in a bit of food and a few bottles of stout, as well as paying a bit off what I owe on the rent, the gas and the ESB. I just wanted to tell you that the robbing bastards in the Post Office took a tenner out of it.'<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Here's a Christmas gift idea! You can buy the hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, and through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></span></span>Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-16802792680251858082014-11-29T12:33:00.002+00:002014-12-01T12:32:24.937+00:00The power of silence<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTdwbQj-iig6h1-saYF1QkjflMaIKtJp1aQk1ZD1RFjk0NEpSMe" /></div>
<br />
Peggy sometimes goes to the bingo with a woman called Carmel Behan. Carmel is married to a big lug known to one and all as '5 Seconds' because that is the approximate length of his fuse. He is one of the few Dubliners I've ever come across who was born without the ability to debate and discuss at length. After drawing on his limited vocabulary to issue his point of view, he rests his case. If a counter-argument is put forward, he seethes silently for about five seconds, and then belts its proponent.<br />
<br />
On more than one occasion poor oul Carmel presented herself at Dr Lawlor's suffering from contusions and abrasions inflicted on her when 5 Seconds came home from Magowan's. Lawlor started off giving her his usual combination of blue, pink and brown tablets, but when that was having no effect, he decided on a different approach.<br />
<br />
'This is what I want you to do, Mrs Behan,' he said. 'When your husband is coming back from the pub, as soon as you hear his key in the lock, take a mouthful of warm sweet tea, and swish it around in your mouth.'<br />
<br />
Carmel was confused. 'Tea, Doctor? Drink a mouthful o' tea?'<br />
<br />
'No,' said Lawlor. 'Don't drink it. Keep swishing it around your mouth. Whatever you do, don't swallow it. Not until your husband has gone off to bed.'<br />
<br />
Carmel was bemused, but she gave it a go. And guess what? Peggy says that he hasn't laid a finger on her since.<br />
<br />
So if you come into Magowan's and see me and the lads swishing stout around our gobs, while 5 Seconds is talking, you'll know why.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Here's a Christmas gift idea! You can buy the hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, and through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-86760031646682164782014-10-23T12:51:00.000+01:002014-10-23T17:44:15.739+01:00Jem Kennedy RIP<div style="text-align: center;">
<img 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" /></div>
<br />
I was at a great funeral last week. It was the best day out I've had in ages. The dearly departed was Jem Kennedy, who will be sadly missed by the publicans of the Daymo. Possibly by his missus, Rose, too, who seemed oddly fond of him - probably because he didn't come home very often. I often think this is the key to a happy marriage, as absence makes the heart grow fonder, and familiarity breeds contempt. My own dear wife, Peggy, worships the ground that I walk on, but only on the strict condition that that ground is as far away from her as possible.<br />
<br />
In his younger days, Jem's interests and pleasures were wide and varied. He was always fond of the drink, and would eat all around him. If he couldn't eat it, he would set fire to it and smoke it. He liked to play cards, and would back horses, dogs, cats ... in fact he would have a bet on anything. Most of all, Jem Kennedy was a renowned ladies' man, known as the Gary Cooper of the Coombe. They used to say that he'd get up on the crack of dawn, whatever that meant.<br />
<br />
In his latter years, Jem became a pale shadow of the man he once was. He came to look more like Gary Glitter than Gary Cooper, but he still tried it on with any female who came within range.<br />
<br />
He spent his last few weeks in hospital suffering from some form of galloping dysentery. I'm not sure if he died or dissolved.<br />
<br />
Back in Magowan's pub, after his remains had been poured into the grave, we were lining up to offer our sympathies to Rose.<br />
<br />
'Ah, God love ya, ya poor craytur,' said some old Crone, who had shoved in ahead of me.<br />
<br />
'Thanks very much,' said Rose. 'I'll miss him. I will.'<br />
<br />
'Ah ya will o' course,' said the Crone. 'Ah bu' isn't he at peace now, the poor man, after all his pain.'<br />
<br />
'Tha's true, it is,' sniffed Rose. 'He suffered enough.'<br />
<br />
The oul-wan drew herself closer to Rose, and asked in a lowered voice:<br />
<br />
'Tell us this - is it true tha' he died o' the diarrhoea?'<br />
<br />
Rose jumped up and at the top of her voice said:<br />
<br />
'He did NOT die o' diarrhoea. He died o' GONORRHOEA. Jem was an OUL SPORT - not an OUL SHITE!'<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">You can buy the hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, and through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-15509713614293699182014-10-10T15:19:00.002+01:002014-10-10T15:21:07.686+01:00Frankie's early career<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT59ddiz9aygman9mWUOROKekn89PIVg4dMZm3VE6wX8n73jI_E" /></div>
<br />
When I was a young fella there was very little work going in Dublin and you had to be willing to turn your hand to whatever was available. I blagged my way into a plumbing job once, but that ended in tears - well, not tears exactly - more of a deluge when I turned a nut left when I should have gone right. I was a fishmonger, a bike repairer and a lorry driver's mate. I even thought of joining a convent except I didn't think I'd get through the medical. But the easiest job I ever had was in Dublin Zoo.<br />
<br />
I replied to an ad in the Herald looking for a general assistant. I was interviewed by the man who looked after the apes and monkeys.<br />
<br />
'Wha' I'm goin' to tell ya is highly confidential,' he said.<br />
<br />
'Whatever ya have to tell me will go to the grave with me,' I assured him.<br />
<br />
'Well, it's like this,' said he. 'Our male gorilla - Buster - is after dyin'. He's very popular. If the word gets out tha' he's brown bread, it'll do awful damage to the gate receipts.'<br />
<br />
I thought he was going to ask me to bury or stuff the poor animal.<br />
<br />
'Wha' I want ya to do, Mr Flynn,' he said, 'is to put on a gorilla suit, go into the compound, swing aroun', eat a few bananas... Ya know the kind o' thing.'<br />
<br />
I did and to make a long story short, I took it on. And if Buster was popular before, I don't mind telling you that he was a big hit now. Real gorillas are all well and fine, but they're lazy bastards. They sit around all day scratching their arses and not much else. As a conscientious employee, and in all fairness a bit of a show-off - I threw myself into it. I made faces. I pranced around. I swung off the ropes like feckin' Tarzan. The kids in particular were delighted with me. There was even a spot on RTE television when they discussed breeding from me.<br />
<br />
It all went great until one day, I got a bit carried away swinging on the ropes. I let go at the top of a swing, flew over the fence, and landed on my head in the compound next door. When I could gather myself, all I could see was a bloody great lion bearing down on me.<br />
<br />
'Help! Help!' I yelled, trying to get the gorilla costume off. The lion pounced and pinned me to the ground. He was all teeth, claws and hot breath. I said my last Act of Contrition and committed my soul to my maker.<br />
<br />
'Shut up, ya feckin' ejjit,' said the lion, 'or ya'll get us all sacked.'<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">You can buy the hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, and through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></span></span>Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-68909685743362900932014-09-18T12:26:00.004+01:002014-09-18T12:39:46.593+01:00Scottish Irish Unification<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><img 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" 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<span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%;">I was talking to Ginger
Celtic in Magowan's last night about the Jock Referendum. As you know Ginger</span> <span style="color: #333333;">yields</span> <span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%;">to no man in his adoration of</span> <span style="color: #333333;">Glasgow
Celtic</span> <span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Football Club.</span>
Having attended many home games, he regards himself as an authority on all
things Scottish.<br />
<br />
'So wha' do ya make of it all then?' I asked him.<br />
<br />
'I'll tell ya,' says he. 'This has bin comin' for
a long time. Whether they say yes or no, there'll be a split.’<br />
<br />
'A split? Bu' after the vote, won't they all get back
to workin’ together like feckin’ ants?' I said to get him going.<br />
<br />
'Not at all,' he spat, like I was an eejit. 'Hell
hath no fury like a Scotsman with a bee in his bonnet. They're like the shower
in the North. Irreh - whatyacallit?'<br />
<br />
'Irritatin',' I said.<br />
<br />
'No - irreconcilable. Tha's it. There'll be no
peace there. The Yessers won't give up, and neither will the Unionists. Eventually
they'll split the place up, with the Yessers comin' in with us, and the Noers
stayin' with yer man Cameron.'<br />
<br />
'Comin' in with us? Whatya mean?'<br />
<br />
'It stands to reason. The Yessers all the Gaelic
gang. We're all Celts. They want to stay in the EU, fly the flag, and give the two fingers to
England. Sure we're like peas in a pod.'<br />
<br />
I warmed to the idea.<br />
<br />
'The oul oil will be <span style="color: #333333;">handy,</span> <span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%;">right enough.'</span><br />
<br />
'An' between us, we'll have a better <span style="color: #333333;">football team</span><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%;">.'</span><br />
<br />
'Well roll on the <span style="color: #333333;">Republic of Ireland</span> <span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9.5pt; line-height: 115%;">an' a lump o’ Scotland then,' I said.</span><br />
<br />
Remember where you heard it first!<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;">'</span><b style="font-size: 11.5pt;">It's a Desperate Life'</b><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"> </span><u><span style="font-size: large;">only a quid!!!</span></u><span style="font-size: 11.5pt;"> - this week only on Amazon kindle!</span></span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.7900009155273px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"></span></span><br />
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Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-73583239052988327182014-08-11T09:07:00.003+01:002014-08-11T09:07:25.782+01:00Frankie is on holidays<div style="text-align: center;">
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Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-60161014899537038172014-07-31T10:35:00.001+01:002014-07-31T10:37:04.158+01:00A uniform is the mark of authority<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="The Italian Carabinieri – Police in Capes (7 Photos)" src="http://ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608054712360765671&pid=15.1&P=0" height="200" width="150" /></div>
<br />
A uniform is the mark of authority. Put a man in a hi-viz jacket and he will be obeyed like the emperors of old. The notable exception being bored members of the Garda Siochana holding up the walls of the GPO who manage to make a uniform look like a badly tied up potato sack.<br />
<br />
Back in the day the hi-viz jacket hadn't been invented, and we had to make do with a peaked cap. Me and Joe Horgan had one each and we regularly delighted in reorganising the cinema queues outside the Savoy and the Carlton. Once we told people lined up outside the Plaza that the showing had been cancelled by the Department of Health due to an infestation of something. This was more plausible than you might think! They all dutifully trooped off, and me and Joe went in and had the place to ourselves. The management must have been mystified.<br />
<br />
Another time we diverted traffic coming down the North Circular Road into a cul de sac. This was great fun until the cul de sac got full and people realised what we were up to. We would have been lynched only that the irate motorists couldn't leave their cars and chase us very far.<br />
<br />
A great little money-spinner used to be helping drivers to park their cars in Parnell Square. This was before the Corpo muscled in on the parking racket and put in meters, clamps and their own extortionist employees.<br />
<br />
The drill was to make a big show of guiding a driver into a parking spot, opening the door for him or her, and then offering to 'look after' the car while they were away. There were a lot of break-ins to cars back in those days, stealing radios and the like. The unspoken suggestion was that if they didn't pay a suitable fee, that something very bad might happen to their pride and joy. The great majority smiled grimly and coughed up. This was especially the case if they were visitors. The best were culchies up to see a match in Croker, who had heard and believed terrible stories about Northside gougers.<br />
<br />
One smart-aleck - obviously a local citizen who knew the score - said to Joe:<br />
<br />
'No, y'are alright. I won't be long, an' there's a rottweiler sittin' in the back seat.'<br />
<br />
Without batting an eyelid, Joe responded:<br />
<br />
'Puts out fires, does he?'<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;"><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">You can buy the hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, and through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></span></span>Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-29343396619034132712014-07-24T12:35:00.001+01:002014-07-24T12:38:31.220+01:00Up the Duff<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608001308729999826&pid=15.1&P=0" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Miley Magee's youngest one is up the duff. He is very put out
because he's already housing her two sisters and the three little ones they
have between them. No sign of paternal support for any of them of course.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Have ya no idea who done it?' I asked him
in Magowan's the other night.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Are ya coddin' me? If ya ate a tin o'
beans, would ya know which o' them made ya fart?'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'It's like that is it? I asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'It is. I don't know where they get it
from. Loose morals an' looser knickers. Their Ma was never like that.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Not tha' ya didn't give it a go?' I
suggested.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Ah, yeah, well ya had to. It was
expected. To show yer interest like.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'But if she let ya get any farther than a
feel of her diddies, ya'd have to radio back to base for instructions.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Correct!'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Except for Marie Dunn, o' course.' I
pointed out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Ah yeah, she was always obligin' - or so
I believe.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Did ya ever hear the story about when she
left the convent?' I asked.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'No. Go on. Tell us.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Well the girls had to go in one by one to
say goodbye to the Reverend Mother, an' she asked them wha' they were goin' to
do next. A few o' them were goin' into the sewin' factories, one into
Batchelors, another into Guinnesses, etcetera. When Marie was asked she said
tha' she was goin' to be a prostitute. The Reverend Mother nearly had a fit.
They had to get smellin' salts an' a drop o' whiskey from the bottle they kept
for Father Collins. Eventually she calmed down an' asked Marie if she wouldn't
reconsider.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
"No, Mother." she said,
"I've decided. I'm goin' to be a prostitute."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
"Oh, a <i>prostitute</i>,"
said the nun. "Thank God! I thought you said Protestant!"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;">You can buy the hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate
Life'</b> as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book
sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5,
and through </span></span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial;"><span style="color: #6699cc; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.5pt;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/"><span style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</span></a></span></span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-61241479132948262182014-07-17T21:30:00.002+01:002014-07-17T21:38:27.055+01:00World Cup Fever<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Goetze strikes as Germany win World Cup | The Citizen" src="http://ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608009756922545909&pid=15.1&P=0" /></div>
<br />
A man I know called Eugene Larkin has a cushy job in the Civil Service - something to do with fishes and trees. Through some chicanery he managed to get himself to Rio de Janeiro last week to liaise with Brazilian officials about their fishes and trees. While there he managed to finagle a ticket to the World Cup Final between the Germans and the Argentinians. A good ticket it was too, just down from Septic Bladder.<br />
<br />
He was telling us all about it in Magowan's last night - the colour, the drama, the atmosphere, the celebrations .. the lot.<br />
<br />
'I've never seen the likes of it lads,' he said. 'There musta bin the whole population o' Argentina tryin' to get in,' he said.<br />
<br />
'Full, was it?' Barney Pugh asked.<br />
<br />
'Full!' I said. 'O' course it was feckin' full ya thick eejit. It was the World Cup Final!'<br />
<br />
'Well it wasn't completely jammered,' Eugene said. 'There was an empty seat next to me.'<br />
<br />
I stared at him, shocked at the sacrilegious waste.<br />
<br />
'I asked the fella in the next seat along wha' the story was. He said tha' he'd got two tickets ages ago for himself an' his missus. It was their lifelong ambition to go to a World Cup Final together. Bu' she had passed away, so he was there on his own.'<br />
<br />
'Ah tha's sad,' I said 'Could he not a got someone else to use the ticket? A friend or a relation?'<br />
<br />
'I said tha' to him,' Eugene said.<br />
<br />
'But, apparently they were all at the funeral.'<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, especially the Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, and through </span></i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-decoration: none;"><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="color: #6699cc; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-7296827011558403112014-07-10T12:56:00.001+01:002014-07-10T14:27:27.848+01:00Summer holidays of yesteryear<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"></span></div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><img alt="Holiday Summer Exotic Paradise Beach Water Ocean Lagoon Blue Island ..." src="http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608023745616153578&pid=15.1&P=0" /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span>
When the kids were little chisslers, one July we had a week in a
guesthouse in Arklow. It was desperate. No, hold on, it was much worse than
desperate!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
The four of us were jammed into a room in
the attic with only one tiny window, which gave a fine view of a brick wall. It
wouldn't have been so bad if we had the room to ourselves, but we had to share
it with resident fauna including bed bugs, spiders, cockroaches and a family of
birds nesting in the eaves. A couple of mice visited once, but left in disgust.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
Mrs Meagher, our genial hostess told me
that it was not her policy to listen to complaints as it only encouraged people
to make them. A reasonable point of view, but a shame as I had much to complain
about. There was the room which made me realise for the first time what people
were talking about when they referred to inhuman conditions in African jails -
and I was brought up in a Dublin tenement! And there was the food - at least I
think that's what it was. One evening the meal was announced to be liver and
bacon, and when I nervously pointed out to Mrs Meagher that we got no liver,
she said: 'That's right. There's no liver left.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
I won't speak of the bathroom facilities
in case you are of a nervous and sensitive disposition.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
The only thing that helped us to soldier
on was the camaraderie of our fellow inmates. In particular, there was a family
from the Coombe called the Richardsons, billeted in the cell next to our one.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
Me and Richie Richardson took refuge most
evenings in The Harbour Bar while the women and kids ate chips and ice cream on
the sea front. We had a great laugh joking about the dump we were staying in,
comparing it to various stalags, gulags and the black hole of Calcutta.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
At the end of the week, I said to Richie -
joking like: 'Are ya goin' to leave a tip for Mrs Meagher?'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
And he said - and this is no word of a
lie...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
'Well, we didn't last year.'<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<i><span style="background: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is
now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book
sellers, and through </span></i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/"><span style="background: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
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Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-45694378880208813172014-07-03T12:06:00.001+01:002014-07-03T12:53:43.707+01:00We will remember them<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Lion Class Battle-Cruiser - HMS Lion" src="http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608047668575339822&pid=15.1" /></div>
<br />
<br />
My grandfather was a Royal Marine in the Great War. He was 19 when he was injured in the Battle of Jutland in which nearly 10,000 lives were lost in a single day. He was on the battle-cruiser HMS Lion when it was hit by shells from <span style="font-family: inherit;">the battle-cruiser <span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">Lützow</span></span><i style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;">. </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He lost an eye and had other injuries. </span></span>Like most men who were involved in that war, he was never inclined to talk about his experiences, but he suffered nightmares all his life.<span style="background-color: white; color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px;"> </span><br />
<br />
My father used to tell a story about the outbreak of the Second World War, and how they heard the news. He was a teenager working with his Da on a painting job in Bluebell. The old man had sent him into town on his bike to get paint and other materials. He had one of those old black delivery bikes with a big basket in the front for carrying goods.<br />
<br />
In the centre of Dublin there was great excitement as the news was breaking that war had been declared. The newsboys were shouting the headlines and people were jostling to get copies of the paper.<br />
<br />
My father jumped back on his bike and flew back out to Bluebell as fast as he could.<br />
<br />
'Da! Da!' he shouted as he arrived. 'It's War! Britain is after declarin' war on Germany!'<br />
<br />
The old man looked at him and asked:<br />
<br />
'Did ya forget the turps?'<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a><br />
<br />
<br />Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-88185189444021273942014-06-26T12:47:00.002+01:002014-06-26T12:57:45.201+01:00Luis Suarez is not an original<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Back to article: Luis Suárez bite: 5 best memes on the internet" src="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.607995579203780872&pid=15.1" /></div>
<br />
The news about the Liverpool player Hannibal Suarez reminds me of an incident years ago when me and Barney Pugh played for Mountrock Rangers in the Dublin City Under 17 League. Barney played at centre half and his philosophy was that the ball or the man might get past him, but never both. At this stage Barney was about 22, and his commitment to drinking pints, smoking Sweet Afton, and eating burgers was such that the edge had been taken off his athleticism.<br />
<br />
One day he was up against a racing ferret of a young fella, who was not only running rings around Barney, but was taunting him with unkind remarks about his figure. Barney has always had a somewhat deluded view of his appearance. You may see a bulging sack of pork meat, but Barney looks out from what he imagines to be the chiseled features of Gregory Peck. You challenge this self image at your peril - and so this young eejit found out.<br />
<br />
The next time he approached Barney with one of his mazy little runs, Barney took him out with a flying tackle that would have shocked the crowd at Lansdowne Road. The referee was a policeman in real life and a bit of a stickler for the rules. He sent Barney off, dismissing his plea that his action was a fair and reasonable response to the provocation he had suffered. Barney sat the rest of the match out on the sideline, brooding on life's injustices.<br />
<br />
Afterwards, in a commendable corinthian spirit, the young fella came up to Barney and offered him his hand in sporting friendship. If Barney had ever heard the word 'Corinthian' it was in association with the picture house of that name beside O'Connell Bridge. He mistook the gesture as the opening move on some further assault on his person or his dignity. Anyway, his instinct was to get his retaliation in first, so he bit the outstretched hand.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately the policeman / referee witnessed this, as did most of the victim's team-mates. Barney was led away in chains and appeared in the dock the following morning charged with assault. To the irritation of the District Justice, Barney denied everything, in spite of the evidence.<br />
<br />
'I suppose you were just standing there, minding your own business, when this young man came up and shoved his hand into your mouth? Such was your surprise, and in order to stop swallowing him whole, down to his boots, you bit him! Was that it?'<br />
<br />
'Tha's exactly wha' happended your honour,' Barney said.<br />
<br />
He was fined thirty bob and bound over.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a>Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-32294342248402620422014-06-19T13:31:00.000+01:002014-06-19T15:18:13.062+01:00A miracle at Lourdes<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="lourdes in aereo pellegrinaggi a lourdes viaggi a lourdes lourdes in ..." src="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608013931599301136&pid=15.1" /></div>
<br />
Every year our local church organises a pilgrimage to Lourdes for the ladies of the parish. It is a spiritual event very much looked forward to by the women. The men look forward to it too.<br />
<br />
It is normally led by Monsignor Jim Collins, our hell fire and damnation PP who has a black belt in theology, and a zero tolerance approach to most things - especially people. But last year JC didn't feel up to it and he delegated the job to his side-kick, Father Patrick Higgins.<br />
<br />
Higgsy was a shiny and spotless new recruit to the clergy, fresh up from the seminary. He looked like the Angel Gabriel without the wings - all rosy cheeks, blue eyes and golden hair. He always plied his trade with the greatest of devotion and solemnity. JC could do mass in little over twenty minutes, but a groan would go up when Higgsy appeared on the altar, as everyone knew they were in for the best part of an hour. If ever a man had the makings of a saint in him, it was Higgsy.<br />
<br />
A week before the pilgrimage was due to leave, he held a meeting for the participants in the church hall. It was hardly necessary as nearly all of them had been there before and knew the drill better than he did.<br />
<br />
'Now ladies,' he said, 'we'll be meeting here in the hall at 1.00 p.m. - make sure you have your passports - and we have a coach to bring us to the airport. The flight leaves at half five so we should have time for a cup of tea at the airport.'<br />
<br />
'When we get to the hotel in Lourdes, it will be quite late, but there will be a light supper laid on, and maybe a glass of the local wine.'<br />
<br />
This got a little cheer.<br />
<br />
'The following day after breakfast, we will have mass at the Grotto, then some free time before lunch. In the afternoon there will be the Rosary, and then prayers at the Baths.'<br />
<br />
He was beginning to lose his audience, so he rushed through the remaining programme of masses and stations of the cross, interspersed with meals and some socialising time.<br />
<br />
'So there we are ladies,' he said. 'I hope that is all clear. I am very much looking forward to a happy and a holy visit, when we all have an opportunity to renew our devotion to Our Lady. Does anyone have any questions?'<br />
<br />
Breda O'Byrne, famed in these parts for her ability to put away bottles of stout, put her hand up.<br />
<br />
'Yes - Mrs O'Byrne,' said Higgsy.<br />
<br />
'Father, if you manage to come back a virgin, it <i>will</i> be a feckin' miracle!' she cackled.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-79045363332442286262014-06-12T12:24:00.002+01:002014-06-12T12:30:14.160+01:00The lost vest<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="10 legszebb strand Írországban: 2.Tramore" src="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=HN.608033074259428080&pid=15.1" /></div>
<br />
Peggy's mother and father used to go to the seaside for a week every August. They always went to Tramore and they always stayed in the same room in the same guesthouse. Oul Richie was a man of fixed habits. He liked to know exactly where and when he was going to have his dinner. He didn't care what it was as long as it had meat, veg and potatoes in it, and as long as it came with a big pile of bread and butter and a mug of tea.<br />
<br />
Every year in Tramore, hail rain or snow, Richie would go for his dip in the sea - a sight I happily never had to witness. Richie was known in his local as Moby Dick for a very good reason.<br />
<br />
One year, after they got back, the Ma was telling us how they got on. The guest house was great as usual. The food was great. The weather was great. The only thing to mar an idyllic week was that Richie had lost his vest on the beach during his annual swim. They had looked everywhere but it was not to be found.<br />
<br />
It was a great mystery. The prospect of anyone nicking any item of Richie's intimate clothing seemed very unlikely to me. I suggested to Peggy that maybe a tall ship was stuck for a main sale and borrowed the vest, but she didn't think that that was either helpful or funny.<br />
<br />
The following year, the pair of them headed off to Tramore as usual. Afterwards the Ma gave us the review of the week. The guest house, the food, the weather, etc., were all great as per usual.<br />
<br />
'But c'mere,' she said. 'D'ya remember me tellin' yis tha' himself lost his vest on the beach last year?'<br />
<br />
'Yeah,' said Peggy.<br />
<br />
'Well he found it when he went for his swim!'<br />
<br />
'Y'are jokin',' said Peggy. 'It was still on the beach?'<br />
<br />
'Not at all,' said the Ma.<br />
<br />
'He was wearin' it all the time!'<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a><br />
<br />Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-77377297150095792052014-05-29T12:36:00.001+01:002014-05-29T12:52:11.973+01:00M&S for all your shopping needs<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRwOrOy-k9qdg2V4txz3n9wWKuv5afmUgR8Em9uh9EP9qh8yo-V" /></div>
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">Don't forget to order a copy of '</span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">It's a Desperate Life</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">' for Father's Day - do it now! Not socks. Real men never need more socks.This is a myth put up by women who exalt newness over comfort and familiarity. </span><br />
<div>
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;" />
Last Monday Peggy went shopping for brassieres, knickers and tights. For herself, like - not me. She puts these articles of clothing under enormous stress so that they never seem to last very long on her. As I say, I've got socks and underpants that are older than most policemen,and there's still loads of wear left in them.<br />
<br />
Tights in particular are a complete joke and a con. They're obviously not meant to last - certainly not on a woman like Peggy. You might as well be trying to hold back the incoming tide with a stern remark. I've told her time and time again to get herself some proper woolly socks, but I might as well be talking to the wall.<br />
<br />
Anyway, she was traipsing backwards and forwards between Marks & Trotsky's and Dunnes-Stores-Better-Value-Beats-Them-All-Everyday, getting quotes and estimates, as she does.<br />
<br />
I wasn't with her myself because life is too short for that class of thing, and anyway I had an important investment decision to make with regard to a thing that was running at Roscommon.<br />
<br />
She got back in time to make the tea - dragging several sacks of lingerie behind her - and told me what happened.<br />
<br />
She was in Marks, stress-testing gussets and elastic, when her attention was drawn to a drunk who had entered the premises. He staggered up and down several aisles, crashing into things and knocking them over. He seemed to be looking for something. Peggy thought that he might have remembered that he needed to buy a present for his wife's birthday. (I think that was a dig at me, because I somehow forgot again this year - a bit of a surprise after what happened last year! But that's another story.)<br />
<br />
Eventually, he wandered into the changing-room area and locked himself into one of the little cubicles.<br />
<br />
By then the store authorities had been alerted and a young under-manager was sent to investigate. He went into the adjoining cubicle and listened. All he could hear was the sound of the drunk grunting and muttering to himself.<br />
<br />
'Ahem, excuse me, sir,' he said. 'Are you okay? Do you need any assistance?'<br />
<br />
'Ah yeah! Good man!' the drunk replied.<br />
<br />
'Is there any paper on your side?'<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></div>
Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-49892532295726916622014-05-22T12:05:00.000+01:002014-05-22T12:06:37.266+01:00Father's Day 2014<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" /></div>
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As Father's Day approaches you'll be agonising over what to buy for your one. Well stop agonising. Get him a copy of '<i>It's a Desperate Life</i>'. You will establish yourself as his favourite child for evermore. Let the other eejits get him the socks.<br />
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<div>
Speaking of fathers, my Da used to tell a story about a wake at a house near Smithfield. The priest came along to offer his condolences to the family. As he turned into the street, he was somewhat surprised to hear that the joint was hopping. Eventually his knocking was answered by the man of the house, and inside he found the room was jammed full of people drinking, singing and dancing. The corpse was lying on the floor.</div>
<div>
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<div>
'That's disgraceful,' the priest said. 'The corpse should be reposing on the bed, not thrown like that on the floor.'</div>
<div>
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<div>
'Ah yeah, Father,' said the householder. 'I know tha'! The only thing is tha' we need the bed for the coats, d'ya see?'</div>
<div>
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<div>
The priest was not an unreasonable man, and he did indeed see.</div>
<div>
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<div>
'Well, you could put the corpse on the table then,' he said.</div>
<div>
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<div>
The householder shook his head sadly.</div>
<div>
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<div>
''Bu' Father, the dhrink is on the table.'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The priest scratched his head.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'Well, why not three chairs then? You could lay the corpse across three chairs.'</div>
<div>
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<div>
The householder could see nothing wrong with this idea, and he looked for help from the assembled mourners.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
'Hey, lads, lads! Can we have three chairs for the corpse?'</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And the enthusiastic cry went up: 'HIP, HIP... HOORAY!'<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a><br />
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Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-74980481743449588432014-05-15T11:26:00.000+01:002014-05-15T11:41:41.742+01:00Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT5dOLk0ba3iair539grH-NoOJSW9VwwVe11IZY94hUyN6t8h4W" /></div>
<br />
I remember the first morning I woke up as a married man, lying beside Peggy in our little home in the Daymo. It was summertime and still quite early. Through the open window I could hear the little birds chirping away like lunatics in the tree outside. A velvety breeze ruffled the curtains, allowing the sun's rays to peek in. By its
light I could see Peggy’s face on the pillow, peaceful and still sleeping. I
planted a little kiss on her cheek, slipped out of bed and went downstairs.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I crept out and went around to Gorman's shop for the Independent. Then, keeping as quiet as a mouse in its stocking feet, I cooked up
a breakfast of sausages, rashers, black and white pudding, fried egg and tomatoes. I
put this on a big tray alongside a plate of hot buttered toast. There was
also a pot of tea, orange juice and the newspaper. To add a small flourish, I got a handful of daisies from the garden and put them
into a little china vase, which also went on the tray.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I carried the whole lot back up to the bedroom and gently
eased the door open. Peggy was still fast asleep.</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Wakey, wakey,’ I said softly. ‘It’s breakfast time, Mrs Flynn!’</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Her eyes fluttered open, and she gave a cute little stretch
and a yawn. She looked at me and smiled as she sat herself up. I put the tray
across her lap, and she stroked my hand.</div>
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‘Oh Frank,’ she said. ‘This is lovely. It really is.’</div>
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‘Yeah, I know,’ I said. ‘An’ tha’s the way I want it every day for the rest o’ me
life.’<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></div>
Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-83555844350492488822014-05-08T12:20:00.001+01:002014-05-08T12:23:21.736+01:00The demon drink<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="http://comeheretome.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/guinnessbarge.jpg?w=500" /></div>
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My father used to tell a story about a very poor family who were neighbours of theirs back in Marrowbone Lane. </div>
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Jem and Rose Clarke had nine children. The family often went to bed hungry as Jem had no education, skill or trade and he was often unemployed. To make matters worse, he spent whatever money they had in the pub, due to an unhealthy fondness he had for drink.</div>
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The Parish Priest, feeling sorry for Rose and the kids, promised that he would get Jem a permanent job if Jem would take the pledge. Jem agreed, and started work in the St James's Gate brewery the following Monday. Back in those days Guinness used to ferry the barrels of the black stuff down the Liffey on barges to the waiting ships, and Jem was given the job of bargeman.</div>
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All went well for over a year. Jem stayed off the drink, and brought home his wages to Rose every Friday. The children had food, clothes and heat, and Rose was delighted. But it was not due to last. Jem was surrounded by temptation, and he started having a little sip every now and again. The little sips got bigger and more frequent.</div>
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One day he was steering his barge down the river, and he misjudged his approach to Butt Bridge. The barge hit one of the supports at full tilt. Jem was catapulted into the water, and he was fished out an hour later down at the North Wall, as dead as a drowned rat.</div>
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After the funeral, my grandmother was in with Rose, doing her best to provide sympathy and support.</div>
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'God love ya,' she said. 'An' ya were doin' so well, with Jem earnin', an' givin' up his money. Now y'are worse off than ever. Ya poor thing!'</div>
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Just then there was a knock on the door, and when they opened it a man in a suit came in.</div>
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'I'm very sorry to trouble you Mrs Clarke at this terrible time,' he said. 'I'm from the Guinness welfare department, and I just wanted to tell you about the lump sum and pension arrangements. As Mr Clarke died in the service of the company, I've calculated that you'll be entitled to a lump sum of £500 and a pension of £8 a week.'</div>
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This was a lot of money at the time. After agreeing when Rose would call at the office to complete the necessary paperwork, the man excused himself with many expressions of sorrow and regret, and left.</div>
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My grandmother broke the stunned silence.</div>
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'Jaysus, Rose isn't tha' brilliant? Poor oul Jem did his best to look after ya when he was alive, an' he's still lookin' after ya - an' the poor man neither able to read nor write.'</div>
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'No,' said Rose. 'An' thanks be to God he couldn't swim either!'<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a></div>
Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-42396458642491686392014-05-05T12:29:00.001+01:002014-05-05T12:29:51.960+01:00Reaching parts other blogs fail to reach<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRLw6dRQqVWNloybLYZXeXzFjCppYqvyDCl-G5sz7l4ztXLBf-b" /></div>
<br />
Many nations have tried to control the world or large parts of it. Genghis Khan and the Mongols, the Roman Empire, Napoleon Bonaparte, the British Empire, the Nazis, the Bolsheviks and even the Americans - they've all given it a lash. But the people who have come closest to achieving it - without anyone even noticing or minding much - and without a shot being fired - are the Irish.<br />
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For generations we have been sending our agents abroad (often cunningly disguised as eejits), and there are now over 70 million people of Irish descent around the world running local governments, police forces, health services and schools. We build roads, railways and everything else, we are mining in Australia, and we run the best pubs from Alberta to Zanzibar.<br />
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Look at the US. As well as the President and Vice President being of Irish descent, they are surrounded by Irish. For example, the Director of the CIA is John Brennan, and Samantha Power from Castleknock is the US ambassador to the United Nations<br />
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This little blog is now reaching parts that other blogs fail to reach: Ireland (of course), the UK, Canada, the US, Australia, New Zealand, Germany, France, Spain, Belgium, Holland, Italy, Norway, Poland, Russia, Turkey, Morocco, Nigeria, United Arab Emirates, Myanmar, Mauritius, Thailand, China, South Korea, Indonesia and Brazil.<br />
<br />
They say that there are still some tribes in the Amazon that don't know the words of 'The Fields of Athenry', but I don't believe it.<br />
<br />Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6564478243200505814.post-4840816936743935792014-05-01T12:55:00.003+01:002014-05-03T16:42:08.978+01:00God bless America<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTBUnKMVCqh0XAhr97AmFr9oe3zOW75ujq5vVckz9nW3raIDkpJ" /></div>
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A Yank tourist came into Magowan's early one evening last week. I assume that he was lost, as Magowan's is not mentioned in the brochure: 'A Thousand and One Must-See Places in Dublin'.<br />
<br />
Miley Magee was up at the bar having a few quiet ones and reading the Herald. The Yank was down a bit from him sipping at a glass of stout like it was nitroglycerin.<br />
<br />
Miley said that the Yank was watching him like he was a suicide risk. He was going to ask what the hell he was looking at, when the man spoke, making a noise like an out-of-tune bugle that all Yanks make when they talk.<br />
<br />
'Sir!' said yer man. 'Excuse me, Sir!'<br />
<br />
Nobody ever calls Miley 'Sir', but the Yank couldn't have been talking to anyone else.<br />
<br />
Miley put down his paper, and said 'yeah' or 'wha'' or something similar.<br />
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'Sir, I've been admiring the way you drink your beer. You sure can drink fast. Yessiree!'<br />
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Miley didn't know if the fella was taking the piss. If it had been a normal person, he would have told him to feck off, but you have to make allowances for Americans. Miley just muttered something about it being normal.<br />
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'Sir, how many beers do you think you could drink in an hour?' the Yank asked.<br />
<br />
Miley thought about it, and said he could do seven or eight pints no bother, but that he might do twelve if he exerted himself.<br />
<br />
'Wowee!' said theYank. 'Say listen Buddy. I'd pay $500 to see that done. Whadaya say? Huh?'<br />
<br />
'An' would ya pay for the pints?' Miley asked. He would have made a great lawyer if he hadn't had his calling to the city's waste management service.<br />
<br />
The Yank said that he would be very happy to pay for the necessary materials, and they made the deal. That was at about six o'clock and they agreed to meet back in Magowan's at half seven for the attempt.<br />
<br />
At the appointed time the parties were duly assembled. Betty Magowan set to pulling the pints, and Miley started sucking them up like a camel at a watering hole. It was no bother to him - like Seve Ballesteros chipping golf balls into a skip. Miley finished the twelfth pint with a good five minutes still left on the clock, and the Yank was delighted.<br />
<br />
'Way to go!' he yipped. 'Well, that sure beats all!'<br />
<br />
He produced the do-re-mi as promised and handed it over.<br />
<br />
'Sir, just one thing,' he said. 'Can you tell me where you went before we started?'<br />
<br />
Miley looked a bit sheepish.<br />
<br />
'Well to tell ya nothin' but the truth,' he said. 'I wasn't certain tha' I could do it. So I went 'round to Kinsella's an' had twelve in there first - jus' to check.'<br />
<br />
<br />
<i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px;">The hilarious new comedy novel '<b>It's a Desperate Life'</b> is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through </i><a href="http://peterhammondauthor.com/" style="background-color: white; color: #6699cc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20.790000915527344px; text-decoration: none;">http://peterhammondauthor.com</a><br />
<br />Frankie Flynnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10676667878296165685noreply@blogger.com0