Friday 31 January 2014

Peggy and the dwarf

Peggy - the wife - was waiting for the bus in O'Connell Street yesterday evening. There was a little fella beside her - I mean a dwarf, not a chissler - with a load of bags and parcels all around him.

When the bus came, there was the usual mad rush to get on, and Peggy could see that your man was struggling to gather up all his stuff.

"I'll take tha' for ya," says she, picking up one of his bags. She can never mind her own business.

"Leave it! I'm alrigh'," says your man, grabbing the bag off her, like she was going to run away with it.

"It's no trouble," says she, "no trouble at all," and she had a go at picking up something else.

"Leave it, I said! Leave it! I'm alrigh'!"  says your man again, even though he was half strangled trying to get all the stuff up and onto the bus.

"Fair enough," says Peggy. "Suit yerself."

Anyway, somehow or other he managed it on his own, and he sat down in front of Peggy.

She said that he was sitting muttering away to himself, but she could hear him well enough.

"People should mind their own feckin' business," he said. "They think tha' jus' because y'are small tha' ya can do nothin'. They can feck off - the lot o' them. Yeah, jus' feck off!"

Peggy got up to get off at her stop. As she passed she gave him a poke in the ribs and said:

"Go 'way ya cranky little bastard ya. I hope Snow White beats the shite out o' ya when she gets ya home."

She's an awful bloody woman.

The hilarious new comedy novel 'It's a Desperate Life' is now available in paperback and as an e-book from Amazon and all good book sellers and through http://peterhammondauthor.com