Tuesday 14 July 2015

Charity begins at home



I had one of them charity outfits on the phone this morning, looking for me to sign up for a direct debit.

First he tried the old guilt-trip tactics: He told me that even ten euro a month would feed a family of four, or buy them a herd of goats, or something. When that wasn't getting him anywhere, he tried a different tack.

'Mr Flynn, I notice from the Shared Charity Database that you don't seem to be supporting any charitable organisation at all.'

That annoyed me.

'Did ya now?' I said.

'An' did yer database tell ya tha' I have a son-in-law out of work, an' him an' me daughter are tryin' to feed four children on fresh air? Did it?'

'An' did it tell ya tha' me wife has chronic arthritis an' needs medication tha' costs a hundred an' fifty euro a month - jus' to relieve the chronic pain and help her to walk?'

'Or tha' me best pal's car is off the road, and withou' a loan from me, he won't be able to fix it an' get to his job?'

'I'm sorry Mr Flynn,' says yer man - backin' off rapid like. 'I didn't realise...'

'No, ya didn't, did ya?' I said.

'An' if I'm not givin' them anythin', you're sure as hell gettin' nothin'.'

I hung up the phone.

And for your light summer reading: You can buy the comedy novel 'It's a Desperate Life' as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers - especially the excellent Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, or through http://peterhammondauthor.com