I always enjoy St Patrick's Day. There's the parade, a bit of a stretch in the evenings, and horses running at Cheltenham. I think that's where St Patrick came from, but I'm not sure about that. They say that he cleared all the snakes out of Ireland, but I'm not sure about that either. There's a few living around here, and if they're not exactly snakes, they're very close relations.
The great thing about the Day is that it's an opportunity to go out and have a good few pints to toast the Saint. It's a kind of religious duty - you'd have no luck for the year if you didn't do it. Even the lads who give it up for Lent suck up a few on Paddy's Day. They're like camels at an oasis.
On the other hand, you have to put up with Yanks and other eejits infesting the city looking for the authentic (is that the right word?) Irish experience! Jaysus! If any of them stop me in the street and ask me where to go, I send them to Temple Bar. That's what it was made for - to keep them all together, singing the Fields of Feckin' Athenry, and leaving the rest of us in peace. It's like an Irish Disneyland for tourists. There should be a fence around it, and shuttle buses to and from the airport.
You'd never get a tourist in Magowan's except on St Patrick's Day, when nowhere is safe. Last year two huge Yanks in green suits came in, and after taking a photo of the old-time charm that is the bar, they asked Betty Magowan for two pints of the black stuff. As Betty turned to get them, one of the lads said:
"Hey Mam! Can you make sure that my glass is clean?"
Betty gave yer man a look that was like a fistful o' salt thrown at a snail.
They continued to savour the ambience, until Betty came back with the pints.
"Now gents," says she. "Which one o' yis wanted the clean glass?"
There's no better present for St Patrick's Day than a copy of 'It's a Desperate Life', available now from Amazon, etc., or through http://peterhammondauthor.com
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