One of the lads in Magowan's had to throw his son out of the family home to fend for himself. This was due to pressures on the available space, a father's understandable aim to encourage a young man to develop independent living skills, and because skangers kept coming to the door to buy drugs off the little fecker.
After spending a while braving the elements on Dublin's streets, Joey - that was his name - presented himself at the City's housing department looking for a roof, and ideally four walls. The housing officer explained that Joey had no chance as he wasn't a single mother, was without any obvious disability and couldn't claim to be pregnant. However, he was able to offer a one-bedroom cottage in County Clare, which is somewhere on the western coast beside (or possibly in) the Atlantic. Apparently the government is keen to populate such wildernesses, and as there are spare buildings going, it might be regarded as what they call nowadays a 'win-win situation'.
Joey had never been further west than Clondalkin, and he didn't think much of that, but he said that he would give it a lash.
He couldn't believe how bleak the place was. It was at least twenty miles beyond the back of beyond. The house was surrounded as far as the eye could see with rocks and green stuff. There was only one other house that he could see, and after he had settled in, he decided to pay a visit.
He was amazed to find a fellow Dub living there. The guy was a middle-aged character who had been moved from Dublin in an earlier resettlement campaign a few years previously. He couldn't have been more welcoming. Within minutes Joey was sipping Jameson by the fire, and they were chatting away like they'd been in school together.
'This is feckin' fantastic,' yer man said. 'I'll tell ya wha' I'm goin' to do. I'll throw a hooley on Saturday night to welcome ya to the area. It'll be great! We'll have a great night. A bit o' grub, a few scoops ... an' a load o' sex!'
Joey thought that things were looking up. Maybe the place wouldn't be so bad after all.
'Y'are very good to go to all tha' trouble,' he said. 'I'll bring a few bottles. Wha's the dress code down here anyway?'
'Ya can wear wha' ya like,' said yer man. 'Sure there'll jus' be the two of us.'
The hilarious new comedy novel 'It's a Desperate Life' is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through http://peterhammondauthor.com
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