Up the Duff

Miley Magee's youngest one is up the duff. He is very put out because he's already housing her two sisters and the three little ones they have between them. No sign of paternal support for any of them of course.

'Have ya no idea who done it?' I asked him in Magowan's the other night.

'Are ya coddin' me? If ya ate a tin o' beans, would ya know which o' them made ya fart?'

'It's like that is it? I asked.

'It is. I don't know where they get it from. Loose morals an' looser knickers. Their Ma was never like that.'

'Not tha' ya didn't give it a go?' I suggested.

'Ah, yeah, well ya had to. It was expected. To show yer interest like.'

'But if she let ya get any farther than a feel of her diddies, ya'd have to radio back to base for instructions.'

'Correct!'

'Except for Marie Dunn, o' course.' I pointed out.

'Ah yeah, she was always obligin' - or so I believe.'

'Did ya ever hear the story about when she left the convent?' I asked.

'No. Go on. Tell us.'

'Well the girls had to go in one by one to say goodbye to the Reverend Mother, an' she asked them wha' they were goin' to do next. A few o' them were goin' into the sewin' factories, one into Batchelors, another into Guinnesses, etcetera. When Marie was asked she said tha' she was goin' to be a prostitute. The Reverend Mother nearly had a fit. They had to get smellin' salts an' a drop o' whiskey from the bottle they kept for Father Collins. Eventually she calmed down an' asked Marie if she wouldn't reconsider.

"No, Mother." she said, "I've decided. I'm goin' to be a prostitute."

"Oh, a prostitute," said the nun. "Thank God! I thought you said Protestant!"

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