A man I know called Eugene Larkin has a cushy job in the Civil Service - something to do with fishes and trees. Through some chicanery he managed to get himself to Rio de Janeiro last week to liaise with Brazilian officials about their fishes and trees. While there he managed to finagle a ticket to the World Cup Final between the Germans and the Argentinians. A good ticket it was too, just down from Septic Bladder.
He was telling us all about it in Magowan's last night - the colour, the drama, the atmosphere, the celebrations .. the lot.
'I've never seen the likes of it lads,' he said. 'There musta bin the whole population o' Argentina tryin' to get in,' he said.
'Full, was it?' Barney Pugh asked.
'Full!' I said. 'O' course it was feckin' full ya thick eejit. It was the World Cup Final!'
'Well it wasn't completely jammered,' Eugene said. 'There was an empty seat next to me.'
I stared at him, shocked at the sacrilegious waste.
'I asked the fella in the next seat along wha' the story was. He said tha' he'd got two tickets ages ago for himself an' his missus. It was their lifelong ambition to go to a World Cup Final together. Bu' she had passed away, so he was there on his own.'
'Ah tha's sad,' I said 'Could he not a got someone else to use the ticket? A friend or a relation?'
'I said tha' to him,' Eugene said.
'But, apparently they were all at the funeral.'
The hilarious new comedy novel 'It's a Desperate Life' is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, especially the Owl Bookshop in Kentish Town, London NW5, and through http://peterhammondauthor.com
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