It's not so many years ago since the strangest and most exotic human specimens that you would find in Dublin would have originated in Kerry or Donegal. They were weird and colourful enough, but now the place is like the Tower of Babel. Even in the little school I went to, they're talking 30 different languages! Mrs Garvey, the Headteacher, told our Angela that it's very difficult with so many of the chisslers speaking English as an additional language.
"Would ya ever feck off," I said. "Sure, aren't we ALL speakin' English as an additional language! Join the feckin' club!"
I've no problem with foreigners coming here. We sent our emigrants to every country in the world for generations, so it's only fair that we have a few of theirs back. 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free', is my motto.
But I have to admit that it's not without its problems. I was in Town last week with Peggy, and I slipped in to one of those gastric pubs for a quick pint, while Peggy was in Dunnes trying on shoes or knickers or something. It was a big barn of a place with a load of foreign staff running around with trays of food and drinks.
The manager called over a young Chinese-looking lad.
"Jimmy, I won't need ya after this shift," he said. "Ya can pick up wha' y'are owed afterwards."
"Solly - I no unnerstan'."
"I said I don't need ya anymore. Y'are finished. Done. Completo. Finito."
"Solly - I no unnerstan'."
The manager looked exasperated.
"Ah, feck off then. I'll sack someone else. Eh, Wojtek, c'mere!"
The hilarious comedy novel 'It's a Desperate Life' is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all good booksellers, and through http://peterhammondauthor.com
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