Songs of Praise

I was in Magowan's early yesterday evening, sitting up at the bar with a pint. I'd brought Bertie out for a walk, and left him tied to a lamp-post outside. There was hardly anyone in the place, other than a few stalwarts like myself. Betty was passing the time filling shelves and polishing glasses, hoping for brisker trade later on.

Songs o' Praise was on the telly. I've always liked that show, even though yer man Aled Jones is a pain in the arse. He's far too sweet to be wholesome, he is.

They were lashing into Guide me, O thou great redeemer, and I was thinking that He wasn't doing much to guide me that time I fell off my bike into the canal! But I'd be willing to forgive and forget if He'd guide me to picking a few winners at Cheltenham.

"Eh, Betty, will ya change tha' over to RTE?"

This request came from a fella in a pork-pie hat, drinkin' a pint of Harp - the fella not the hat - sitting over by the wall. I turned on me stool to get a good look at him.  I'd seen him in Magowan's before, but I didn't really know him.

"Excuse me," I said. "I'm watchin' tha'!"

"Oh I'm sorry," says he. "I didn't know tha' ya were a Protestant!"

"Listen pal," I said. "Jus' because I'm a drunk doesn't mean I'm a Catholic!"

That shut him up.

The hilarious new comedy novel 'It's a Desperate Life' is now available in paperback and as an e-book from Amazon and all good book sellers or through http://peterhammondauthor.com