Father's Day 2014

As Father's Day approaches you'll be agonising over what to buy for your one. Well stop agonising. Get him a copy of 'It's a Desperate Life'. You will establish yourself as his favourite child for evermore. Let the other eejits get him the socks.

Speaking of fathers, my Da used to tell a story about a wake at a house near Smithfield. The priest came along to offer his condolences to the family. As he turned into the street, he was somewhat surprised to hear that the joint was hopping. Eventually his knocking was answered by the man of the house, and inside he found the room was jammed full of people drinking, singing and dancing. The corpse was lying on the floor.

'That's disgraceful,' the priest said. 'The corpse should be reposing on the bed, not thrown like that on the floor.'

'Ah yeah, Father,' said the householder. 'I know tha'! The only thing is tha' we need the bed for the coats, d'ya see?'

The priest was not an unreasonable man, and he did indeed see.

'Well, you could put the corpse on the table then,' he said.

The householder shook his head sadly.

''Bu' Father, the dhrink is on the table.'

The priest scratched his head.

'Well, why not three chairs then? You could lay the corpse across three chairs.'

The householder could see nothing wrong with this idea, and he looked for help from the assembled mourners.

'Hey, lads, lads! Can we have three chairs for the corpse?'

And the enthusiastic cry went up:  'HIP, HIP... HOORAY!'

The hilarious new comedy novel 'It's a Desperate Life' is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through http://peterhammondauthor.com