The demon drink

My father used to tell a story about a very poor family who were neighbours of theirs back in Marrowbone Lane. 

Jem and Rose Clarke had nine children. The family often went to bed hungry as Jem had no education, skill or trade and he was often unemployed. To make matters worse, he spent whatever money they had in the pub, due to an unhealthy fondness he had for drink.

The Parish Priest, feeling sorry for Rose and the kids, promised that he would get Jem a permanent job if Jem would take the pledge. Jem agreed, and started work in the St James's Gate brewery the following Monday. Back in those days Guinness used to ferry the barrels of the black stuff down the Liffey on barges to the waiting ships, and Jem was given the job of bargeman.

All went well for over a year. Jem stayed off the drink, and brought home his wages to Rose every Friday. The children had food, clothes and heat, and Rose was delighted. But it was not due to last. Jem was surrounded by temptation, and he started having a little sip every now and again. The little sips got bigger and more frequent.

One day he was steering his barge down the river, and he misjudged his approach to Butt Bridge. The barge hit one of the supports at full tilt. Jem was catapulted into the water, and he was fished out an hour later down at the North Wall, as dead as a drowned rat.

After the funeral, my grandmother was in with Rose, doing her best to provide sympathy and support.

'God love ya,' she said. 'An' ya were doin' so well, with Jem earnin', an' givin' up his money. Now y'are worse off than ever. Ya poor thing!'

Just then there was a knock on the door, and when they opened it a man in a suit came in.

'I'm very sorry to trouble you Mrs Clarke at this terrible time,' he said. 'I'm from the Guinness welfare department, and I just wanted to tell you about the lump sum and pension arrangements. As Mr Clarke died in the service of the company, I've calculated that you'll be entitled to a lump sum of £500 and a pension of £8 a week.'

This was a lot of money at the time. After agreeing when Rose would call at the office to complete the necessary paperwork, the man excused himself with many expressions of sorrow and regret, and left.

My grandmother broke the stunned silence.

'Jaysus, Rose isn't tha' brilliant? Poor oul Jem did his best to look after ya when he was alive, an' he's still lookin' after ya - an' the poor man neither able to read nor write.'

'No,' said Rose. 'An' thanks be to God he couldn't swim either!'


The hilarious new comedy novel 'It's a Desperate Life' is now available as a paperback or e-book from Amazon and all other good book sellers, and through http://peterhammondauthor.com